Apa itu cross-cultural? Cross-cultural is comparing or dealing with two or more different cultures (Freedictionary.com, accessed on 13/1/2014) What is marriage? According to Islam, marriage is a contract (Aqad) between a man (groom) and a wali of a woman (the bride) who gives her to the husband to be his wife (Wikipedia, 12/1/2014). Therefore, cross cultural marriage is aqad between man and woman of two different cultures. The Prophet SAW has also said, "Marriage is my tradition, whosoever keeps away from it, its not from amongst us".
Image Source : Wikipedia
Ok, in order for the marriage to be valid, the following conditions must be met :-
1. Consent of both parties
2. "Mahr"-a gift from the groom to the bride
3.Witnesses
4.Must be publicized (Never kept as secret)
(Dr. Sherif Mohammed)
So lil bit about the definition of the cross-cultural and marriage? Now, what are the things that you should know before marrying someone from different country and cultures? It is of paramount important from the bride and groom to be to study and observe each other cultures as they are not the same and don't under estimate each other's culture. Based on my experience in cross-cultural marriage, here are the things that man and woman should know before the marriage takes place:-
1. Communication.
Communication is very very important in cross-cultural marriage. Since it is a cross-cultural marriage, English will be a medium of communication between both parties. Well, when we say English, its not about understanding the language, but more on how the language sound to your ears. Due to different accent, what ever both parties said might not be understood by another parties. So how do people speak? Well, different culture may have different way of speaking. Therefore, always clarify back by asking question,what you actually mean when you say this or that? Clarification is very important. Otherwise, both might misunderstood each other and end-up with argument.
And also bear in mind, the tone of the language is also very important. For people in Pakistan,Bangladesh, India and Middle East, they used to talk very loud (like shouting) with each other. Sometimes we feel that as if they were fighting over something, but in actual fact they are chatting. Now, those who are familiar with Hindi or Tamil film,then you know what I am talking about! We the Asians, are not familiar with such high tone of communication and of your partner are talking to you in such a tone, don't feel offended as that is their way of talking....I once hear my husband was talking to his customer in a very high tone and so was the customer and I said to myself, owhhhh they are fighting with each other. Then I ask my husband, what was that all about? any misunderstanding between you and the customer? Then he said, No, we are chatting. Owhhhhhh!..Ok!
2. Food
Food plays important role in the marriage. Have you heard about the phrase, "the way to man's heart is through his stomach". Yeah you heard me. Feed him with good food and he will love you more. But bear this in mind, this is cross-cultural marriage! You need to learn what is your husband's favorite food! If you choose to live in your spouse's country, then forget about the food of your own country, especially if you following your husband. Only cook food that he like or used to eat. Don't try to be creative by cooking something that he don't like as it will end up horribly. Don't bring your favorite food from your home country because he is not prepared to taste your food. You may hear him say, what food is this? This meat might be from a sick cow or what not!, Its hard to believe? well, believe me! Just cook food that he used to eat and you will be fine and things will be smooth. However, you might want to think, why you hear such a harsh comment? Think positive, he cares about you and he don't want you to fall sick by eating the food that you not sure how it was prepare and how clean are the food. This mean he loves you!
3. Don't argue.
If your spouse, especially your husband come from a country that I have mentioned in No, 1, please, please never never argue with him eventhough he was wrong or he didn't realized that he was wrong. Hmmm sounds very harsh isn't it? Well, if you want a smooth marriage, you better follow my advice. Only say things that you want to say and that's it and you will lead a peaceful life. Well, you have to bear in mind, different country practices different cultures. We might have the same religion, but our cultures are different. Back in those country listed in No. 1, the women are quite reserved and are trained to obey the husband. Nonetheless, I could not understand, why the divorce rate are also high in those countries. Anyway, only talk when necessary and only provide opinion when ask. I am sure things will be fine. Think positive again! Argue is not good for marriage. I would like to quote a story by Molana Tareq Jameel. Iblis (the head of the syaitan) was in the gathering and he ask one of the shaitan, ok, what have you done today? and the first shaitan said, I have make some one miss his prayer. Iblis replied, that is nothing! You have done nothing!. Then Iblis asked syaitan no. 2, ok, what have you done today? I have make someone consume alcohol. Iblis replied, that is nothing! You have done nothing!, Then Iblis ask syaitan no. 3, what have you done? I have make husband and wife argue. Iblis then replied. Good! That was good!. Come and sit besides me.
So, this story says, how syaitan likes to make husband and wife argue, because by argument, it will affect the wife, the husband, the children, the grandchildren and even the future.
4. Dress Code
Dress code is also important for cross-cultural marriage. If you follow your spouse who resides in countries like Pakistan, Bangladesh, India, Middle East, it is advisable to follow the country's dress code. For example, in UAE, the man can wear "Khandura" or "Jubah" in Malay, or man can wear casual dress like shirt and pants. But for women, it is best if you can follow the country's dress code. For example, if you live in UAE or Saudi, or pakistan, Bangladesh, India, wearing you might want to wear "Abaya" in UAE, or "Salwar Khamis" in Pakistan orBangladesh or "Punjabi Suit" or "Sari" in India. Well,I don't say that you cannot wear your home country's dress, but if you want to please your spouse, then you can follow your spouse's country dress code.
Ok...that's about it for time being....will continue with more points.
P/S : This is just my opinion and no intention whatsoever to offend or hurt anybody.
Food plays important role in the marriage. Have you heard about the phrase, "the way to man's heart is through his stomach". Yeah you heard me. Feed him with good food and he will love you more. But bear this in mind, this is cross-cultural marriage! You need to learn what is your husband's favorite food! If you choose to live in your spouse's country, then forget about the food of your own country, especially if you following your husband. Only cook food that he like or used to eat. Don't try to be creative by cooking something that he don't like as it will end up horribly. Don't bring your favorite food from your home country because he is not prepared to taste your food. You may hear him say, what food is this? This meat might be from a sick cow or what not!, Its hard to believe? well, believe me! Just cook food that he used to eat and you will be fine and things will be smooth. However, you might want to think, why you hear such a harsh comment? Think positive, he cares about you and he don't want you to fall sick by eating the food that you not sure how it was prepare and how clean are the food. This mean he loves you!
3. Don't argue.
If your spouse, especially your husband come from a country that I have mentioned in No, 1, please, please never never argue with him eventhough he was wrong or he didn't realized that he was wrong. Hmmm sounds very harsh isn't it? Well, if you want a smooth marriage, you better follow my advice. Only say things that you want to say and that's it and you will lead a peaceful life. Well, you have to bear in mind, different country practices different cultures. We might have the same religion, but our cultures are different. Back in those country listed in No. 1, the women are quite reserved and are trained to obey the husband. Nonetheless, I could not understand, why the divorce rate are also high in those countries. Anyway, only talk when necessary and only provide opinion when ask. I am sure things will be fine. Think positive again! Argue is not good for marriage. I would like to quote a story by Molana Tareq Jameel. Iblis (the head of the syaitan) was in the gathering and he ask one of the shaitan, ok, what have you done today? and the first shaitan said, I have make some one miss his prayer. Iblis replied, that is nothing! You have done nothing!. Then Iblis asked syaitan no. 2, ok, what have you done today? I have make someone consume alcohol. Iblis replied, that is nothing! You have done nothing!, Then Iblis ask syaitan no. 3, what have you done? I have make husband and wife argue. Iblis then replied. Good! That was good!. Come and sit besides me.
So, this story says, how syaitan likes to make husband and wife argue, because by argument, it will affect the wife, the husband, the children, the grandchildren and even the future.
4. Dress Code
Dress code is also important for cross-cultural marriage. If you follow your spouse who resides in countries like Pakistan, Bangladesh, India, Middle East, it is advisable to follow the country's dress code. For example, in UAE, the man can wear "Khandura" or "Jubah" in Malay, or man can wear casual dress like shirt and pants. But for women, it is best if you can follow the country's dress code. For example, if you live in UAE or Saudi, or pakistan, Bangladesh, India, wearing you might want to wear "Abaya" in UAE, or "Salwar Khamis" in Pakistan orBangladesh or "Punjabi Suit" or "Sari" in India. Well,I don't say that you cannot wear your home country's dress, but if you want to please your spouse, then you can follow your spouse's country dress code.
Ok...that's about it for time being....will continue with more points.
P/S : This is just my opinion and no intention whatsoever to offend or hurt anybody.
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